how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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