How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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