So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
