genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
