Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize