i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
