Umm I'm too high to move.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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