I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
