well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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