I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
