This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
