Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
