I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
