yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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