hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
