I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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