I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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