God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
