We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You dont lie about slip and slides
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
