in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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