your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize