i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So here I am, sexting at work.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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