just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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