she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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