ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my sisters under your porch take her home
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
