why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
