Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
