I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
