Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
