chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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