Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
