Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
