dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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