Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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