I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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