Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
