I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
