what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
