at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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