Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize