We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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