I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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