Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize