My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
