True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
