How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
