We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
