I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
