I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
