so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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