he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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