Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize