I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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