U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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