Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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