I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
