My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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