is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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