When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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