A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
