Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
