if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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