Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
