maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We need to get me chipped asap
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
