She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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