I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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