But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
