she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
