You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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