so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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