Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
we should paint friendship bongs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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